Momity

Somewhere inbetween being a mom & insanity!

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The Secret World Of Mom: Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?!

So many times, especially with my first, I found myself thinking “Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”. I wish someone had let me in on all the strange and fantastic things that can go on during the crazy transition into parenting and even after. When I was pregnant I noticed I received countless knowing smiles from every mom I saw. Now I know why and give that same knowing smile to moms-to-be and moms too. It’s essentially involuntarily joining a secret club. Just like parenting, you really have no clue until you’re in it. There are some things that are not mentioned (at least not to me!) about the whole birthing, baby & becoming a parent thing. Maybe some are things you just won’t understand until you’re a parent. Maybe some people just forgot. Maybe some didn’t want to make you more nervous than you already were. We shouldn’t mask the good, the bad, or the ugly about child birth & raising. Smile that knowing smile or cringe along with me. This is what I wish I had known.

  • Delivering the placenta is just as painful!
  • They push in on your stomach after giving birth and hours later multiple time. I would take contractions, or even a stab in the eye, over this torture any day.
  • You might get the shakes and/or your limbs can go numb before, during and after.
  • Stitches hurt. Whether you had an episiotomy or just tore. Think razor blades & fire when you piddle.
  • You probably heard about babies first poop but no one told you how much yours would hurt. Take the softeners.
  • The pain doesn’t stop once baby is out. No, they don’t let you off that easy. You still get contractions for a while. Worse yet if you breastfeed.
  • You will miss feeling baby in your belly.
  • The leftover skin feels very strange. Like bread dough. I kneaded it a little, even pulled a Homer Simpson and flopped it about.
  • Cone head looks weiiiird.
  • There is no way to prep your nipples for breastfeeding. It can hurt but it WILL get better.
  • Sex could be painful afterwards.
  • I didn’t know that if you sneeze you just might pee your pants until after the fact. There is a reason for Kegels!
  • Babies are born with crazy primal reflexes. If a baby feels like they are falling they will reach their hands out to grab. And I’m sorry but your newborn can’t really walk.
  • The mom guilt is astounding. It’ll getcha.
  • You will wake up to a crying, doo-doo covered crib & baby at least once.
  • You will discover just how little sleep you can actually survive on.
  • Make sure you have baby Tylenol, gripe water & gas drops handy, always. The day you don’t is the day you will need it.
  • Most of the fears are groundless.

What are some of the things about birth, baby and becoming a parent that you didn’t expect or wish someone had told you?

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Children’s Environmental Architect

What, you ask, is a Children’s Environmental Architect?

Well.. We work 24/7, 365 days a year to ensure a safe, happy and educational environment for children. We entertain and teach in a boundless way. Censoring, mediating and facilitating countless activities. We direct and redirect attention as needed. We provide a type of security that trumps even the Presidents. We sacrifice for the greater good. We know how to play to the audience for a laugh. We serve snacks, breakfast, lunch & dinner (always with a side of love) that may someday create tradition. We erect dangerously high Lego towers and the like, only for them to be knocked down. We help heal injuries and with one hug, can cure a scare. We always have our arms wide open. We may lick our thumb to clean a sticky face but we wash, scrub and sanitize better and faster than the professionals. We “have the highest paying job because the salary is pure love”.

We build homes while we raise people.

I am one of the many stay at home moms that does not want to be defined, but respected, by the title.

10 Changes That Cement My Status As Mom

10. I hardly ever do my makeup anymore. I know it’s cliche but for someone that used to cake it on everyday (even though I’ve gotten out of that habit) it’s still strange that putting makeup is a treat now.

9. I will respond to one text but don’t count on a conversation. As soon as the iPhone is in sight games are being played by little hands.

8. I carry TWO enormous bags with me at all times. I have yet to find the perfect purse/diaper bag combo & I just can’t let go of my ginormous purse.

7. I always make breakfast, lunch & dinner but usually only eat 2/3 and it’s probably cold by the time I get to it. Somehow my growling tummy is always second to something else getting done.

6. I do very, very weird things and make spontaneous loud noises just to get a laugh. I don’t care how embarrassing, their laughter is worth it.

5. I will stay up late to get some me time even though I know I will pay for it the next day. I know I should be asleep but I can’t resist the temptation to do absolutely nothing productive.

4. I always have a little helper by my side. Whether it’s cooking or fixing something, little eyes are watching and want in on it.

3. I spell my cuss words. This is a big step for my sailors mouth. Trying to keep it classy.

2. I will use any excuse to get a kiss, hug and/or cuddle. It’s amazing how that can brighten my whole day.

1. I never get lonely whilst I pee. If it’s not my boys, it’s the cat who seems to think potty time is snuggle time.

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